I sat down to write this a while ago and never finished it. I had intended on publishing it and felt that at 26, what advice could I possibly give to myself. Could any of my experiences be deemed as “life” experiences or would I be deemed as a child playing in adult shoes? “26 — adult, but not quite” is what I would assume my memoir would be titled. I wrote part of this while on a walk, the other part slouched on my sofa, the computer resting on my chest, nose to the keypad. I hope it makes you think about your own life and what advice you would give to yourself.
Dear Me,
There are a lot of things I want to tell you; I feel like I’m brimming with ideas and advice about what you should do, what you shouldn’t do and everything in between.
You’ll be surrounded by skinny girls in school, but don’t worry about whether or not you’re fat. You’re not fat. You love food, you exercise and you’ve got large thighs, who gives a shit? Those legs will carry you around the world as you explore cities for hours, hike mountains and woods and push yourself to take up running. There is nothing more boring than a woman ashamed of the body she’s been blessed with. Enjoy your food. People will love you for who you are, not what you eat or how large you are.
A stupid boy on a stupid bus at school will call you a spaz. You’ll feel embarrassed and hide in your jumper, afraid to cry. You’re not a spaz, you’re an excited person who finds joy in the little things; it’s one of your best traits and you should never let that go.
Your first boyfriend won’t be the best and when he breaks up with you, he’ll tell you he needs to figure himself out first; a lie that you’ll realise soon after. You’ll weep endlessly for days, lamenting over him being your first love. You’ll endure a lot of heartbreaks and it will feel like you may never love again. I promise you that none of them are worth the tears that you shed. Be brave enough to love yourself and love others unconditionally.
When you consider buying tickets to an EDM concert don’t. We don’t even like EDM, we just want to look cool. Stay home and build that Halloween gingerbread house with your roommate, it’s far more fun.
Some things will feel confusing and you won’t understand why. You’ll stress about everything and feel incredibly lonely and one day you’ll find yourself standing outside of a church in Boston wondering if religion will save you. You’ll call a therapist instead and, over the next year, you’ll have weekly sessions together. It’s good you’ve tried to work through issues while in your early twenties, but know that you’ll be trying to resolve them for a very long time. Some of it, you’ll never resolve and you’ll have to learn to forgive those who have wronged you. Understand that closure is not always a guarantee, sometimes we just have to let go. Life will continue to unfold incredible adventures for you.
Take photos of everything that brings you joy — your dog, the sun peaking through the clouds, a really fucking good croissant — and make sure to document everything you love. Life flashes by so quickly, it’s nice to have a reminder of the good times.
You’ll concern yourself with your career, worried that you’re not on the right path and that all that money spent on your degree will be a waste. You’re not alone. Have faith. Start writing because it’ll become something bigger than you’ve imagined.
Don’t hold onto anger.
There will be weeks and even months when things will be turbulent. You’ll have to shoulder heavy emotions. Learn that not everyone can deal with their demons appropriately, and be kind when you’re on the receiving end.
Remember to savour the quiet moments as well. Empty, uneventful days are what make up most of life, and it’s good to just shut your mind off. Those hours spent journaling and reading, or lying in the garden while the dog tries to get you to play fetch with her. The reruns of Seinfeld on a Sunday afternoon. You don’t always have to be busy.
Don’t fear mediocrity because the reality is that we’re all a bit average in something, if not, everything. You shouldn’t let that hold you back from doing the things you want to do. If you want to knit, paint, draw, cook or bake or start swimming at your local LIDO, do it. Try everything without fear of failure; try everything because you want to and because you enjoy it, not because you’re seeking perfection. At the end of your life, you’ll want to say that you gave it your best shot.
You always have and likely always will love the ocean and spaces of water. Make sure you spend time with one of them.
Understand when to put up and fight and when to sit down and apologise. Owning your actions and being responsible for what you’ve said is a big part of being an adult. People remember those who acknowledge that.
When you move out of your parent's house, your mother will feel the most impacted by it. Be gentle with her when she texts you incessantly and sends you dog videos. One day, she won’t do that anymore and you’ll regret the moments you denied her that comfort.
Remember your manners.
Best,
Me.
enjoyed this! thanks for sharing it.
Beautiful! I might have to write one of these myself.